ill never understand how i can feel on top of the world to the feeling like its the world against me...
im crawling in my skin , see the pain , sadness, the anger, the fear in my eyes.

i've never felt so alone.

strictly parent xmas list wht i expect them to get me
itouch
dvd player
perfume one of the above:
- with love:hilary duff
-juicy courture
-ed hardy
-pink/hello kitty/zebra stuff for my room

xmas list for everyone else who wants to buy me something
^.^
victoria secret giftcards.
forever21 giftcards.
hco giftcards.
$$$
purses.
onezie pjs.
snuggie.
new dangly belly button rings.
earrings
wii games , 1 controller.
- cooking mama
-cake mania
( strictly fun E games .kid like games but nothing to
babyish)
movies.

( Note: i can live without the wii shit )

xmas wish list that no one will buy me that i'll never get
:(
new real hair black 18" EXTENTSIONS.

and i hate how much i love you boy
i cant stand how much i need you
and i hate how much i love you boy
but i just cant let you go
and i hate that i love you so


storyofmylife,lovele

where are you now? When i need you the most..........


where are you now? when nothings going right...

you dont fight for anything anymore, its been like ths for lil while now
i feel like you just give up every night,
that your tired of it
its like your sick of me
you dont fight for me , anymore-
you dont make an effort to fix anything anymore
you settle for it being not ok. its a mhm , or a ok , or w.e or not call back and even the next day morning
i get nothing.... you leave it how it is.
and the boyfriend i use to have
would ALWAYS txt me/call me a million times until that one txt id finally answer back....
he'd leave voicemails .....saying how much hes sorry how much it doesnt matter , saying how much he loves
me. i looked forward to those voicemails.


i'd be lucky now to get that....
its like you dont care as much as you did before.
your different ....


if you wont fight for me then im not going to waste my time fighting for you...

got my phone stolen at skl =.= yesturday
so give me your number here!

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=dress_casual&product_id=2059941924&Page=all

i got tht one but where its blue mine is actually red.


http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=dress_dressy&product_id=2062898604&Page=all

n i got ths one :) how it is

http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=dress_dressy&product_id=2060037900&Page=all

homecoming dress<3

storyofmylife.

story of my life for as long as i can remember.....

"Hard as I try I know I can't quit "

lovelife.

dear, daddy.
you make me afraid , you make me feel lost, you make me feel worthless, you make me feel unloved , your suppose to love me unconditionally….
If there is anything I wish for is for your acceptance.i want you to care about the little things. I want you to notice me. Im tired of getting upset and jealous everytime I see a dad and a daughter relationship wishing I had that . im tired of gravitating towards other peoples dads because I don’t have a good relationship with my own.. I wish when you see me crying that you’d care and make my tears go away and realize they fell from my eyes because of you. I wish you could see the damage you’ve done to me….but when I tell you- you don’t listen you don’t get it you never understand and im waiting for the day that you do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh8o8LZQbC4


daddy, let me be your daddys little girl.

life

In life, there is always the certain person you will hold onto, whether you hold on tight, or there dangling by a string... they will always be there ; regardless



accept it ,come into terms with it , admitt it , be denial to it .
Whatever you please-

i want you to be able to HANDLE ME , how i am the good and the bad the shitttty-fcked up sometimes mean things i say to the sweetest. im up and down like a fucking rolleeeercoaster sweetheart so in order to stay on the ride you need to be able to handle the up n downs' of it.ya feel me? because i literally constantly feel like you CANT HANDLE ME & my PERSONALITY with all the twists and turns the ups and downs positives n negatives your too sensitive for it thts like the only way i could put it . you need to be stronger & deal with it how i am how i react to things, my actions , n such.almost 7 months now and you still take things so seriously sometimes.like im very COMPLEX grl , but sooooooooo beyond simple @ the same time.idk maybe theres still a lot for you to learn which im sure there is and the same i still need to learn a lot bout you .

maybe just maybe we didnt know each as much as we liked to think- xoxo , lovele

this is some funny ass shit .


HcOgUrL92X (8:51:30 PM): i need to shave my legs n my pits n wash my extentsions
btdrmm (8:51:38 PM): lol!!
btdrmm (8:51:42 PM): wow
HcOgUrL92X (8:51:48 PM): hows tht funny , what im just being honest
HcOgUrL92X (8:51:49 PM): lmao
btdrmm (8:51:56 PM): pits lol!
btdrmm (8:52:01 PM): who says that lol
HcOgUrL92X (8:52:09 PM): there not tht bad ME bitch.
btdrmm (8:52:18 PM): just reading that IM made me laugh lol
HcOgUrL92X (8:52:50 PM): lmao hah im so funny
btdrmm (8:53:00 PM): =) yup.
HcOgUrL92X (8:53:05 PM): ima post tht up ahaha
btdrmm (8:53:12 PM): lol! k

so today i got in a conversation with my friend carie @ lunch and i just couldnt get her to understand my point of view.....so it directed from this girl @ the end of our lunch table was crying im liketo my friend carie im like it must be cus her bf like her relationship most likely ended cus the grl crying was in my 1st hour class.and i over heard the other day talking bout her bf issues or w.e typical shes worried he did something cus she was out of town i guess and blah blah who knows if he cheated idk the story which im sure theres more.but besides the point it was obvious she was upset over HIM.i know that sad crying over a boy face by heart.
but my friend caries like girls need to not cry over that....boys.or something like that....that girls need to learn bettershe said like why cry over a guy who just broke up with youthat obviously he was a careless jerk...
but in my defense i told her its still going to hurt like its not oh my god shes crying over a boy it HURTS & it does to get HURT like whether or not the guy screw you over cheated w.e the case wasthats the last thing you think about in reality when it comes to a relationship being doneim like you have to understand that if you were with someonefor long time you grow close to that person and you develope a strong emotionalbond .thats why it HURTS that , THAT IS WHATS OVER. that close relationshipsure you may be upset or mad that you got screwed over but thats not where the tears come from its that certain thing being over.... thats where the tears come fromnot from being cheated on not from being screw over but by loosing the very thing you grew to care bout so stronglyand knowing its over.
and then this other girl very well agreed with me.that what i was saying was true i understand my friend carie where she was coming from what she was saying but @ the end of the day no girl accepts the whole " he's a jerk , move on dont be upset over himits not worth your tears" deal into there head. regardles of how wrong she was treated and howmuch all the things she knows are right the whole jerk move on dont be upset over him its not worth your tearsdeal.doesnt matter-you cant phase a girls mind when it comes to"lust. love. infatuation." and thats what is comes down to.
MY STORY NOW.
im not going to lie i've had my fair share of being hurt , screw over numerous times.but i always gave out 2nd chance after chance after chance because i thought maybe one of the chances i gave out maybe it'd be different but it never was.but still for some reason i always went bck to the guys who screwed me over for some reason . -they pulled me bck so easily like a flip of a switch.ask anyone , they'll tell you my "guy past" to hell & bck.and i know that even today its effected me it still does how i am with guys/relationships, certain situations.but ...its changed in a sense like i wont let a guy treat me the way i've been treated or do the things that i was screwed over with which i have to admit is half true because.at the same time..i know in my mind i'd go back to my old ways and give out chances just like before i know because i've done it with my current boyfriend right now and my guy friends now but who were also at one point with me.
with my current boyfriend we got into an altercation and i was honestly hurt by something he has said my heart honestly broke and i didnt know what to do the first thing was i want it over that i couldnt do this
whole hurt/pain thing again . but @ the end of the day i did. n i gave out another chance which im not
saying i take it back because i dont @ all its just thats what i do ,and im making it a point
no matter how mad or upset i act im always going to give out another chance so is that bad im
not sure. i do still think bout it but its over and done with and that chapters closed

somewhat of what my grl said was right.but how to conform to what shes saying and actually be that strong person to be like hey you knowhe doesnt deserve me fk him blah blah idk, -its hard to be that i mean i put up a front all the time that yeh im okay, no im not mad, no im not upset , im fine,that no i dont care,nothing can break me , nothing can hurt me, blah blah that "tough exterior" i try to pull off.is not that "tough"as i make it look.
so somewhat of what the question... is
what will i do when the next time i get screwed over ?will i let go and stick that decision never thinking twice and not think bck or even think of giving chances out or will i forgive and fake forgetting it and be with that person give out another chance like before go against the very thing i said i wouldnt put myself through again.
but if i just constantly thought what my friend
thought i'd get no where. i guess with " love , lust , infatuation" you have to be willing to
get hurt to have any real relationship. to ...take chances and just trust the ones your with not to
hurt you .
so @ the end of this whole rant idk , i guess you can say i have mixed opinions.
like i said all this just directed from a convo i had @ skl with my grl in lunch.im just saying all this in general. ;]

to you, -
i want you to be my wall the person to make it better my shield my prince in shining armor to come save me when im lost.but your the very thing thats on the opposite side of that wall but why question is why cant you make happy....when im sad? pick me up when ive fallen? its me my problem my guard being up n not being able to bring it down regardless of who your are how close we are how long youv'e been there it doesnt change anything . i've been my own sense of "support" that i dont let anyone else be that for me i've just been through enough that ive convinced myself only i can pick myself up ...because ive done it multiple times .regardless of the sweet things said ,- of the people closest to me.@ the end im still left feeling the same and i cant change that & i wish i could
-xoxo lovele let it be known story of my life.

i just want to run and keep going and never stop i dont want to catch my breath i just want to run with no thoughts in mind no emotion at heart with the sound of the wind in my ears with the serenity of peace in the air .i want to run and never stop untill everything in life is ok,-where its ok to stop running from the world and catch my breath
-xoxo lovele let it be known story my life.


i feel like everytime i let myself be happy it gets taken away from me. theres only so much i can take.....what do i do when everythings crashing down and i cant bare the weight of it all on my shoulders any longer.

shout outttttttttt.

if your doing what you love
thats an accomplishment.
so yes, feel good bout yourself
feel accomplished.

music is where your passion is
thats where your heart lies and
thats all the matters.


whats ambition without passion?
ask yourself that the answer would be another word
it wouldnt be ambition.